Katie Holmes vs. Jennifer Aniston -- FINAL BIKINI WAR OF 2013

This is it ... the last bikini objectification of the year ... and so, we proudly present -- KATIE HOLMES VS. JENNIFER ANISTON!!!!

Katie was out in Miami, flaunting her post-Tom Cruise physique in a hot pink 2-piece.

Jennifer is still in Cabo ... hangin' out with her man Justin Theroux.

Two hot bodies -- but there can only be one winner.

So, we gotta ask ...

Who'd You Rather?

Total Votes: 844 *Poll Results

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Who'd You Rather?

NOTE: Poll results are not scientific and reflect the opinions of only those users who chose to participate. Poll results are not reflected in real time.

VOTED

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'Modern Family' Star Ty Burrell -- WITNESS in Surprise Lesbian Wedding!

EXCLUSIVE

A surprise lesbian wedding broke out at a Utah bar co-owned by "Modern Family" star Ty Burrell ... but the actor didn't just stand around and watch, Ty actually PARTICIPATED in the ceremony, TMZ has learned.

Ty (who plays Phil Dunphy on the show) was hangin' out at Bar X in Salt Lake City on Friday where a group of pro-gay marriage supporters were celebrating the striking down of an anti-same sex marriage law.

During the party, one lesbian couple decided they were so excited ... they were going to GET MARRIED RIGHT THERE IN THE BAR ... and asked Ty if he would sign the marriage certificate as an official witness.

Of course, Ty obliged ... and the women -- one of whom posed for a pic with Ty (see above) -- took the plunge right there in the bar.

The sad part ... Ty was NOT ALLOWED to buy the couple a celebratory drink (employees in the bar tell us it's illegal for bar staff to buy patrons a drink in Utah).

Still, didn't seem to put a damper on the evening -- CONGRATS!!

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'Jersey Shore' Star -- I Can't Get Arrested in This Town ... So I Got a Real Job

EXCLUSIVE

Former "Jersey Shore" star Angelina Pivarnick hasn't appeared on MTV for years ... and after failing to catch fire in the entertainment world -- the Staten Island Dump is giving up and getting a job.

Pivarnick was just accepted into an EMT school in NYC where she will train for the next 3 months ... and then, assuming she actually shows up, Angelina will be certified.

Angelina tells us, "Being the 'Jersey Shore' bitch is in the past ... now, my future is saving lives."

New York -- you've been warned.

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Mike Epps -- I'm The Prince of Darkness -- Take Down Your XMAS Lights!!

EXCLUSIVE

Mike Epps wants the world to plunge into darkness ... imploring all good Christians to TAKE DOWN THEIR XMAS LIGHTS!!!

We got the comedian at LAX where he schooled us on yuletide rules ... and just like white shoes after Labor Day subscribes to the unwritten rule on removing Christmas lights.

Tell that to Maria Shriver .

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TMZ Sports: Yasiel Puig ... Cops Say He's Dangerous

The fast life is catching up with Dodgers star Yasiel Puig and if he doesn't slow down -- he could kill someone ... at least that's what cops in Florida are saying.

Plus, more trouble for Michael Vick's brother ... can he save himself before it's too late?

And ... UFC champ Chris Weidman ... obsessed with his ABS ... and we have the video proof.

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• William Shatner's SB Prediction


• Jerry Jones -- JINX??


• NBA Star Turns Pizza Baron

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Amanda Seyfried's Dog -- Rapes Other Dog

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'Home Improvement' Star -- We Will Never, EVER Have A Reunion

EXCLUSIVE

'Home Improvement' -- one of the top rated sitcoms of the last millennia -- will forever be stuck in the 90s ... because one of its stars tells TMZ there is ZERO chance the entire cast will get back together again.

Fans got a mini dose of H.I. love earlier this year ... when Jonathan Taylor Thomas was a guest star on "Last Man Standing" ... reuniting him with his former TV dad, Tim Allen.

But Patricia Richardson -- who played Jill Taylor on the show -- told us a full-on reunion show is a complete impossibility because one key element is missing -- the neighbor guy Wilson, played by actor Earl Hindman.

Hindman died almost exactly 10 years ago (Dec. 29, 2003) ... and, according to Richardson, so did any chance of a H.i. reprise.

R.I.P.

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Tim Allen: Good Genes or Good Docs?

Tim Allen's looks need no major improvements.

Here's a 39-year-old version of the "Home Improvement" patriarch at an awards show in Los Angeles back in 1992 (left) -- and 21 years later, the 60-year-old "The Santa Claus" actor on the red carpet in Beverly Hills earlier this year (right).

Tim Allen...

Total Votes: 3 *Poll Results

VOTED

Tim Allen...

NOTE: Poll results are not scientific and reflect the opinions of only those users who chose to participate. Poll results are not reflected in real time.

VOTED

He can climb down your chimney... and repair it at the same time.

The question is...

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Good Morning America's Robin Roberts -- P.S. I'm Gay

Breaking News

Robin Roberts just officially came out of the closet ... telling the world she's gay and has a longtime girlfriend.

Robin just recounted her triumphs over the last year on her Facebook page ... talking about her battle with cancer and how she overcame the odds and regained her health.

In the middle of her Facebook essay she said, "I am grateful for my entire family, my long time girlfriend, Amber, and friends as we prepare to celebrate a glorious new year together."

It's kind of cool the way she did it, she didn't scream it from the mountain tops ... but she revealed her true self in an authentic way.

Good for Robin.

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Ben in 'Short Circuit': 'Memba Him?!

Fisher Stevens is best known for playing Ben the Johnny Five creator-turned-friend -- opposite Steve Guttenberg -- in the '80s sci-fi franchise "Short Circuit" and "Short Circuit 2." Guess what he looks like now!

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Justin Bieber Retiring; Make Up Your Damn Mind Already

Breaking News

Justin Bieber is getting a little desperate for attention ... hes now trying to explain how the words "I'm retiring" are unclear.

Justin's people are now saying the singer didn't make himself clear when he tweeted he was retiring ... and that Justin is not hanging it up just yet.

Here's the problem ... this is the second time he's pulled this stunt and he knew exactly what he was doing.

It seems that Bieber is trying in an uncool way to do what Miley Cyrus has been able to pull off -- shock value with some authenticity.

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Katy Perry -- Britney Spears Concert ... I'd Rather Watch Paint Dry

Exclusive Video

Britney Spears blew everyone away during her Vegas debut last night ... everyone, but Katy Perry.

Katy was front and center for the "Piece of Me" show -- rubbing elbows with Miley Cyrus and Adam Lambert -- and while Miley danced her ass off, Katy couldn't seem less interested.

True enough ... Britney's no John Mayer, but come on Katy -- she's a much better dancer than him.

As they say ... you can please some of the people all of the time ...

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MIley Cyrus -- Burglary Looks Like Inside Job

EXCLUSIVE

Whoever made off with the $100,000 worth of jewelry and purses from Miley Cyrus' house last month did it from the inside ... at least that's what law enforcement believes.

Our cop sources tell us ... they've looked at various surveillance videos from Miley's home and the homes of neighbors ... and there's no sign of anyone suspicious entering or leaving her house.

What's more ... there's no sign of forced entry.

We're told multiple people had access to Miley's home ... especially since there were a number of workers at the house and cops are now scrutinizing them.

Miley wasn't home at the time the stuff was stolen.

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Little Boba Fett in 'Star Wars: Episode II': 'Memba Him?!

Daniel Logan is best known for playing the boy turned bounty hunter Boba Fett in the 2002 sci-fi film "Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones." Guess what he looks like now!

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Ex-Anthrax Guitar Player -- Arrested ... For Allegedly Choking His Wife

Breaking News

And to all a good night did not apply to one of the members of Anthrax, after his wife's mom called cops saying he choked his spouse ... but the wife took it all back.

Lead guitarist Dan Spitz was arrested at his home in Lake Worth, Florida early Christmas morning after he and his wife allegedly got into a drunken fight ... according to local reports.

Once the fight began, his wife's mother called cops saying Spitz was choking his spouse ... and according to court records police said she had bruises around her neck.

Spitz claimed he was only acting in self defense ... and the next day his wife told the local news outlet she wouldn't be pressing charges because it was all a misunderstanding.

Case closed.

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Celebrity Squares -- Guess Who!

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Beck -- TENANT FROM HELL ... Claims 'Inglourious Basterds' Star

EXCLUSIVE

Beck is in the middle of a war with a very rich, very powerful German ... a German who claims Beck DESTROYED his Malibu rental property ... and now, they're suing the crap out of each other, TMZ has learned.

The German is Til Schweiger -- who besides playing Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz in "Inglourious Basterds," is one of the top filmmakers in Germany (we'd put a clip in the post, but they're all too violent).

Here's what we know ... Til owns a huge mansion in Malibu and was renting it out to Beck for $11,000-per month from 2010 until Feb. 2013.

Both sides agree the mansion was a HELLHOLE when Beck left, but each man is holding the other responsible for the damage.

Beck says ... there was mold, plumbing issues and electrical problems ... which caused further damage to everything from the fridge to the washing machine ... and even laptops.

Til says ... Beck had all sorts of unauthorized work done to the home while he lived there, causing "substantial physical damage" that required $40,571.00 in repairs.

Now, Beck's suing Til claiming the German won't return his $11,000 security deposit ... and Til's counter-suing Beck for the damage PLUS unpaid back rent, totaling $56,704.24.

USA vs. Germany ... this never ends well.

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Snooki to JWoww -- CONGRATS ON PREGNANCY ... You're Going to Crap on Your Doctor

Jwoww isn't just gonna squeeze out a kid in July, she's also gonna push out a big ol' steaming dump ... so says her "Jersey Shore" BFF Snooki.

Jwoww made the baby announcement on Christmas Day ... and hours later, Snooki (who already has a kid) posted a screen grab of a recent text convo they had, in which Snooks eloquently describes the miracle of child birth.

As for JWoww -- real name Jenny Farley -- she posted a picture of her growing fetus on Instagram ... along with a note from herself and fiance/baby daddy Roger.

Congrats!

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Chad Johnson -- Wears 'F**king' Shirt .. TO KIDS TOY STORE!!!

EXCLUSIVE

Chad Johnson had a big, bold message printed on his t-shirt for all the little boys and girls at Toys R' Us to see on Christmas Eve ... "CARPE THAT F**KING DIEM" kids!

The former NFL star hit up the toy store in Pembroke Pines, FL to pick up some last minute gifts on Tuesday ... and actually decided to wear a shirt with the word "f**king" written in huge letters on the front.

Of course, the rest of the phrase was written in Latin ... so kids probably wouldn't get the "seize the day" message ... but "f**king" was written in plain English for everyone to enjoy.

We reached out to Chad for comment -- so far, no word back.

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Sarah Palin -- I Never Read Phil Robertson's GQ Article ... Even Though I'm Defending Him!

So much for reading " all of em,' any of em" ...

Sarah Palin -- one of Phil Robertson's strongest supporters -- admitted SHE HASN'T READ THE GQ ARTICLE that ignited the firestorm!!!!

Palin appeared on Fox News Channel's "On the Record with Greta Van Susteren" the other night ... when Greta asked if Phil's explanation about why he disapproved homosexuality was too graphic in the magazine article.

Palin's response -- "I haven't read the article ... I don't know exactly how he said it."

Funny, Palin was one of the first people to defend Robertson after the story broke earlier this month -- on Dec. 18 she took to Facebook to write, "Free speech is an endangered species. Those 'intolerants' hatin and taking on the 'Duck Dynasty' patriarch for voicing his personal opinion are taking on all of us."

Somewhere, Kate Couric is probably chuckling ..

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Jesse Jackson -- Phil Robertson Is WORSE Than Rosa Parks Bus Driver

Breaking News

Phil Robertson's homophobic comments to GQ were MORE OFFENSIVE than the words uttered by bus driver who tried to force Rosa Parks to sit on the back of his bus in 1955 ... so says civil rights leader Jesse Jackson.

Jackson came out firing against the "Duck Dynasty" star this week ... explaining, "These statements uttered by Robertson are more offensive than the bus driver in Montgomery, Alabama, more than 59 years ago."

"At least the bus driver, who ordered Rosa Parks to surrender her seat to a white person, was following state law. Robertson’s statements were uttered freely and openly without cover of the law, within a context of what he seemed to believe was 'white privilege.'"

Jackson is demanding a meeting with A&E and Cracker Barrel execs ... and even issued a Friday deadline ... urging the network to uphold Robertson’s suspension from the reality show.

Unclear if the network plans to honor Jackson's demand.

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Gabrielle Union -- Takes MASSIVE Ring to Lakers Game ... With Bodyguards

Gabrielle Union -- the future Mrs. Dwyane Wade -- took her brand new million dollar 8.5 carat diamond ring out in public yesterday ... but not without some serious hired muscle to keep it safe.

Gabby and Ring arrived to the Staples Center in L.A. ... flanked by private security ... to watch their man dominate the Kobe Bryant-less Lakers.

Funny, Kobe knows a little something about expensive jewelry ... in fact, he may have bought the most expensive ring out of ALL the NBA players ($4 million) .. except his wasn't a "Will You Marry Me" diamond -- it was an, "FORGIVE ME!" diamond.

Hey, it worked.

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